Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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