You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
