Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
