Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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