You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
