I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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