He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just pynch a tree in the face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
