i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize