remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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