I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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