You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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