is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
