I just pynch a tree in the face
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
