Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
