My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
