I think I won the penis lottery.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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