For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
