Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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