I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
