At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
