Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
