thus making me awesome and them whores
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
