...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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