i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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