$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
