You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
