I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
