Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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