umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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