What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
