Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
