It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize