I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
