Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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