First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
