i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
