seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
