Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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