I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
