i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
