Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
