Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
