I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
