Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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