Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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