Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
