He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
