my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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