do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
