we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
