According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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