so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
