we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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