What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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