So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
