Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
