capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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