Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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