Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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