Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
