he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
