He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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