YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
