i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
