her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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