I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
