Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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