Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
