Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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