You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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