Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
