Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
