the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
