Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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