Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nutella sex= disaster
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
