Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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