4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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