I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
