Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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