i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
