Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
