Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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