Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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