Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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