She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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