I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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