Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
