Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize