yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
