I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
