U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need moral support for this bender
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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