really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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