before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
