My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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