THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
